mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Operation Purity has been aborted
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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