TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
