This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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