don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
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