don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
