my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
