so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
