My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
