well you can't waste a boner
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
