ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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