If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
