I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
