why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
