I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
