Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
