His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
