You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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