I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
