If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
me + whiskey = a bad person
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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