I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
