Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
