operation harelip BJ is a go
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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