i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
