apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Randomize
