in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Green mimosas i think yes
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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