The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
