I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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