well I can't set my house on fire every night
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
