Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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