he puts the penis in happiness.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Randomize
