I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
