there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
