i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Randomize
