all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
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