I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
