it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
