I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
