I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Someone came in the potted fern
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
