I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
we should paint friendship bongs
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
