My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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