my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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