I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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