garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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