elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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