i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
