some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Randomize
