This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
