These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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