you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
