i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
