Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
where are my eyebrows?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
