i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
