I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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