Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
