I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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