My liver just broke up with me...
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
