we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
