u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Btw I puked in your glovebox
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
