walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
