After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
