so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
