I think my fart just growled at me.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
i've created a new STD.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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