Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
