doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
