I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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